I wonder…when does it happen? When do we stop writing our kids’ story and start reading it, our hearts beating with fear, curiosity, them being the authors of their own existence?
Is there a precise moment in which this change occurs, is it the same for all of us?
I don’t know how to answer, I can only tell that one day you suddenly stop being their destinies’ maker, you wish you still were, you cling to that kind of pillar that supports you and try to be everywhere, hoping to be there when they will need to be held, guided, comforted…
You wish you could always be there for them, to help them understand what to do, what not; you don’t mean to override them, you don’t aim to manipulate their young lives, you only want to prevent them from suffering and avoid them from disappointments, frustrations, all you had to endeavour and would very much like them to be spared of.
That’s it: you would like to give them the wisdom they need to evaluate their own feelings and others’, to dose love ratios, saving them for Mr or Mrs Right; you would like to pour in their brains a few drops of healthy cynicism, to prevent them wasting tears.
Then you realize that those tears, those fears, disappointments, failures made you the woman you are today, so you back off and just look, read their minds, hold your words, sometimes caresses too, because this means growing up.
Who knows when you stopped “writing” your kids, who knows if you ever started…perhaps they began writing the first words of their life without you realizing it, when they decided to greet life despite your plans, when they stopped looking for your hands, and stood on their feet on their own, or when they said their first words, some of them awkward, some so meaningful as only children’s words can be.
Have you ever been your kids’ lives writer? Haven’t they been, in fact, with their coming into this world, the ones who taught you how to read, write, understand, being involved, pushed away…
Luckily enough, as time goes by, you’ll be able to build a fulfilling relationship and be allowed to occupy a first row seat, so that now, them being the protagonists, you will be able to witness, observe, smile, laugh, cry, admire them and one day, hopefully, stand up and clap.